Joel Osteen's "7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential"
Reviewed by Sasha Zimmerman
The evangelicals have conquered the fiction market with the Left Behind series; evangelical TV programming gets astonishing ratings; evangelical colleges are gaining in prestige, number, and popularity; and evangelical pastors are becoming celebrities. Whether you're one of the millions tuning in to the Christian Television Network ("Celebrating 25 years of miracles!") or one of the millions who regularly attends a revival (like Billy Graham's "Crusade" festivals), you've probably heard of Joel Osteen (perhaps you are part of the 30,000-member congregation of his Staples Center-size megachurch). But there are a few of us heathens out here who aren't up on the current celebrigelicals, who might pick up a copy of Osteen's foray into publishing, Your Best Life Now, see his used-car-dealer smile, pasty skin, and golden-hued tome, and think, What's this shmuck selling? Yet another advice book has hit the best-seller list, and this time it's not by a metrosexual with carefully gelled platinum highlights who's just not that into you. Now it's a creepy preacher with all the sensual appeal of a turnip.
Osteen's book looks like many secular advice books, complete with seven snappy steps to take you on a "journey to a brighter future." The twist is that God and Jesus want you to live your best life, too. So Osteen helpfully translates biblical messages for your journey:
1. Enlarge your vision. This is basically creative visualization. For example:
Tara Holland dreamed of being Miss America. In 1994, she entered the Miss Florida pageant and won the title of first runner-up. ... She decided she needed to change her environment, so she moved to Kansas, and in 1997, she entered the Miss Kansas pageant and won the title. That same year, she went on to be crowned Miss America. Tara Holland saw her dream come to pass. ... Time and time again she envisioned herself winning.
What have we learned? Well, other than that Kansas is apparently a less attractive state than Florida, it seems God's plan includes dreaming big as a surefire way to win things--like contests that emphasize looking good in a bikini. You know, every year I imagine winning the Best Actress Oscar (I even have a very nuanced speech prepared--a little funny, very gracious, and with just a hint of self-importance), and yet every year the Academy overlooks me. Which is weird, because Osteen tells me that "you will produce what you are continually seeing in your mind." You see, "God wants us to constantly be increasing, to be rising to new heights." Constantly be increasing? "God wants to increase you financially, by giving you promotions, fresh ideas, and creativity." Ah. But just one question: Didn't Jesus extol the virtues of living in poverty?
2. Develop a healthy self-image. "Psychologists have proved that you will most consistently perform in a manner that is in harmony with the image you have of yourself." Those snotty psychologists--they always have something to prove. How do you develop a healthy self-image? By trusting God, who "sees you as a champion. You may not see yourself that way, but that doesn't change God's image of you one bit." Sheesh. Okay, I'm a champion. Rah-rah. Can I get a promotion now?
3. Discover the power of your thoughts and words. "Really, thoughts determine destiny. That's why the Bible warns us to guard our minds." Wow, such power! (Muahhh, you will read Pulps, you will read it consistently, you will enjoy it, you will write my editor warm letters of affection for me, you foolish unguarded readers, you.) Osteen actually demands that you think positively: "If you are going to live God's way and be the person He wants you to be, you must line up your vision with His and learn to live in a positive frame of mind." You got that, people? Be happy, dammit. "When you get stuck in traffic, you can choose to be mad and frustrated, or you can choose to say, 'Father, I thank you for guiding me and protecting me and keeping me in your perfect will.'" Yeah, that's gonna happen.
4. Let go of the past. This is so easy! You know that crappy childhood you had? Just repress it:
We all know how to use the remote control to change the channels on the TV. If we see something we don't like, no big deal--we just flip channels. We need to learn to mentally flip channels when negative images of the past pop up in our minds unexpectedly. Unfortunately, when some people see those negative experiences on their mind 'screens,' instead of quickly changing channels, they pull up a chair and get some popcorn. ... Then they wonder why they are depressed.
I wonder what my shrink would say about that.
5. Find strength through adversity. "Perhaps you just found out your child is in trouble. You feel as though life has caved in on top of you, knocking you off your feet and pushing you down. But the good news is, you don't have to stay down. Even if you can't get up on the outside, get up on the inside!" Yay! My daughter has a $5,000-a-week smack habit and was just arrested for robbing a liquor store! Huzzah! I am a champion!
6. Live to give. When I got to this chapter, I thought that Osteen might actually--finally--have something useful to say about the spirit of volunteerism. But, instead, it just gets weirder:
You may be in a crowded restaurant when, suddenly, you feel a tremendous concern and compassion for somebody sitting across the room. ... You may not even know that person, but you want his or her life to be better. That may well be God talking to you, prompting you to be a blessing to that person. Why not buy their dinner?
Huh. That never "suddenly" happens to me. I foolishly assume that people at a restaurant can afford to be there. I'll have to be on the lookout for the wretched the next time I'm out for steak. I guess with all our happy thoughts and promotions, we can afford an extra dinner.
7. Choose to be happy. Is it just me, or are all of these steps iterations of one another? Visualize big success, like yourself, change the channel on bad thoughts, think happy thoughts even in hard times, just be happy, happy, happy--oh, and buy strangers dinner.
Osteen's world is black-and-white. You are on God's path or you aren't. If you aren't happy, it's your own fault, because thinking positively will make it so. But the real world is a fairly complicated place. The economy fluctuates, mudslides level homes, car accidents ruin lives, and plenty of really nice people suffer. And, just as often, really mean-spirited, greedy people succeed and live fabulous lives on yachts and private islands. There aren't blessed people versus bitter people. As Ben Stiller's charactesr says in the movie The Zero Effect, "There aren't good guys and evil guys. There's just a bunch of guys." And, for better or for worse, God doesn't control the job market, your promotion, or my odds at an Oscar any more than we can just "change the channel" on the icky thoughts that pop onto our "mind screens."
But Americans, ever the optimistic capitalists, love hearing that God doesn't just want you to be rich; it's his plan that you be rich and really fricking happy. Who wouldn't want to believe that? I'd love to think my way to wealth and bliss. It's just that I don't want to forget the past--because that's how one learns. And I don't want to Stepfordize myself into believing that everything is fine when it isn't. And experience has shown me that hard work is more important than visualization. Besides, it seems like Osteen is the only one getting rich on all of this. I bet that makess him really happy.
Sacha Zimmerman , former assistant managing editor at TNR, is an associate editor at Reader's Digest.
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